Like most people, I have different social groups, some from the good old school days, others from my more recent endeavours in cosplay, and even those groups split into different mini groups.
But something I’ve noticed about my groups, is that I am very much on the edge of them all. I don’t feel deeply involved in any despite efforts to meet up or message. Now, this isn’t me bitching about anyone or anything in particular, it’s more a musing on my social skills, I am awful at replying to messages, meaning I do get left out of the loop, at social gatherings I don’t tend to try and strike up conversation anymore, I’d rather play with the candles or be lost in thought.
I wonder if this leads me to come across as rather unapproachable, or just as lot of hard work. Either way I am happy to have the people in my life that I do, but it does make me feel a little isolated at times. It’s something I’m trying to improve, but I am a sensitive soul, so when I try to actively be a part of a group but still get left out of plans and occasions, it can be a little hurtful. Knocking the confidence and starting the loop again.
I’d love to get to a stage where I can happily interact with everyone, be the person people invite out and want to talk to, but I know it takes a long time and lots of work to get there. Besides, friendship is a two way Street, and as much as there are groups I long to be a bigger part of, there are others I feel I’ve overstayed in, that perhaps my efforts will never quite be enough, and that my dears, is when it’s time to walk away.